Friday, April 23, 2010

Free and Dangerous

The long awaited release from Food Jail arrived on Wednesday!

I pulled up at St. Mark's Hospital just after lunch. Ooopps. No one told me I shouldn't eat for 2 hours before coming. Oh well. By the time I swallowed the poison . . . Stop! That's getting ahead of the story.

Here is the pleasant lady that got me checked in. Now she doesn't look like someone who would poison you, does she?
She isn't.

She sent me to wait here. There was a lot of sending and waiting in this process.

This is Nancy. She is as nice as she looks. She isn't someone who would poison you, either.

She asked me lots of questions and sent me to wait here.

Because I had to have two pre-poison injections, one on Monday and one on Tuesday I am getting very familiar with this room and this young woman who is in charge here.

St. Marks is just finishing a remodel. I feel like I have a vested interest in this new carpet and furniture. My pre-poison injections came with a price-tag of $1000 EACH! Yikes.

I don't have any pictures of the Nuclear Medicine Tech who escorted me to the next waiting station. He was very uptight.

I asked if I could take his picture and he stopped dead in his tracks and said, "NO."
He proceeded with a strong little talk about HIPA and patient information going out on the internet.

I smiled as I put my camera away and thought. . . "You just blew your one chance to be part of Garlickontoast. Too bad for you."

When he got to the door with the electronic keypad lock I felt like a secret agent with Mission Impossible.

As soon as the door was closed, of course I took out my camera again. Any risk for the blog!

What were they protecting in here with the electronic keypad security!!??

My uptight Tech had labeled my wrist so if I did manage to get out with my HIPA-breach photos I could be identified . . . .

Here I was going to post the picture of my wrist band but thought better of it in case some one wanted to steal my medical identity and use it to have liposuction . . . or something.

No foolin'. That's what's happening in Cali.

After I had taken pictures of this exciting room and my own wrist band, I heard the little beeps of the electronic key pad and in walked the man I had been waiting for. Dr. Weiss - the head poisoner.

I told him that his Tech was pretty up tight about my camera. This was his reaction.

Actually he said, "Make sure to bring your camera with you next week and get a picture of the camera that does your whole body scan."

I really, really like this guy. He is my favorite radiologist. (I have seen three this year.)

He took care of the Tech who it turned out was the real poisoner. When he fetched me from this little lock-up, he apologized and said I could use my camera as long as I didn't take pictures of any patients or patient info.

No way did I tell him about my wrist band picture. He may have demanded my memory card.

So we went through here.

And by the time I got to here I was beginning to feel like a secret agent, again.

Then I saw it!!! The poison.

I said, " So, do you touch that?" The Tech said, "I open it and tip out the capsule. Then I want you to swallow it as quickly as you can." That translated to me, "Get it inside your body as fast as you can so it won't hurt me."

When this huge blue capsule appeared, I thought for just a split second, "What if I don't want to??!!"


"Wait one hour before you eat." "What!? I was planning on the fish taco drive-through on the way home. Darn."

I am now free from Food Jail but DANGEROUS

I cannot be within 8 feet of anyone for 3 days--Kids and pregnant women for 7 days.

Not exactly true. I can go to the store, by myself, if I keep moving.

I have advanced from secret agent to fugitive.

I made a quick stop at Walmart today and saw someone from my neighborhood. I felt like I had been caught! I didn't even stop to talk. I'll have to explain to her later.

Evidently I have a GAMMA aura. I am sleeping downstairs, away from Barry, for 5 nights and drinking gallons of water to flush it out of my system.

It's not all bad. Barry is cooking me delicious food which he serves up and sets out on the counter for me to collect while he steps away. And he cleans it all up except for my dishes which I take downstairs to wash separately. What a sweetie he is. He even made fresh tortillas for the fish tacos. YUMMMM!!! No more store bought tortillas for me!

All this separation would get old quickly but it's just until Saturday. Can't wait to get back in my kitchen.

No worries. We're all fine here. Nothing that fish tacos can't cure.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Food Jail

Since last Wednesday I have been in Food Jail.

These are the things that are against the law:
Dairy products
No milk
No cheese
No butter & margarine
No yogurt
No chocolate
No ice cream . . . you get the picture . . .

Egg Yolks
Iodized Salt or Sea Salt
This means every canned or prepared food item in the store -- including ketchup, mustard, mayo, bread, spaghetti sauce, chips and salsa.
Did you know you can buy salt without iodine?
Did you even know that your salt has added iodine?

Sea food
No fish tacos!!!! These are a staple in our diet.

Dried fruit
I haven't started craving Craisins . . . YET.
Red kidney beans, pinto beans, navy beans or lima beans
No problem on that last one.
Red dye #30
My lipstick has red dye #30 but I refused to go to church without it. This gets into your skin without you even eating it.

I have been doing more "from scratch" cooking than usual in this restricted circumstance.

In the last few days I have made pancakes with eggs whites and water instead of buttermilk.
Not bad. . .

Crackers with garlic and flax seed.
Mmmmmm. Those were actually really good. Barry likes them better than store bought and my grandkids gave them a thumbs-up.

Fresh Pico de Gallo
No complaint there.

Rolls with oil and no milk.
This is NOT a keeper.

Lots of salad dressings.
These may cause me to give up buying salad dressings altogether. They are great.

None of these things has satisfied my craving for this . . .

I just can't think about it!!! 10 more days of Food Jail to go.

O.K. Why am I in Food Jail?
Well . . . it seems that not all of my little thyroid cells could be extricated by surgery and they all
Have To GO!

So in 10 days I get to ingest Radioactive Iodine that is powerful enough to kill them.

Food Jail (where iodine is against the law) will make all of those little cells starved for the iodine they crave. Then they will suck up all the Radioactive Iodine and die. They will be dead and I will be out of Jail!!!

That's not usually how it works . . .